COVID-19 AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME HAPPIER

THE VIRUS IS NOT AN INHIBITOR OF YOUR PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS BUT A STIMULANT

You talk about a CRISIS when you experience a time of great difficulty. In March 2020, COVID-19 was declared a PANDEMIC and since then the living conditions have changed dramatically.

Your life is now influenced by circumstances that you probably have NEVER EXPERIENCED before, such as the constant fear of infection, social-distancing, wearing of face masks, lock-downs, curfews, isolation, self-isolation, and home-office work.

EXAMPLE: You may feel overwhelmed when dealing with the stress of the pandemic or when anxiety or depression affects your ability to do your daily routines, partaking in activities you had found enjoyable so far, or getting to work.

This has caused a DISRUPTION which, at first sight, constitutes a major INHIBITOR of your pursuit of for happiness. When you compare your present life now to how you were doing before it can be easy to feel bad, upset, and scared.

It is interesting, that the thoughts of FEAR that currently influence everyone’s life and the RESTRICTIONS imposed on everyone are NOT discussed, not even in principle, in most existing HAPPINESS GUIDES that offer help on the way to happiness. Therefore, your question whether in times of crisis, such as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, you can still follow your path to happiness and you can still FEEL HAPPY will be briefly discussed here.

The answer to both questions is clear: While, due to the crisis, the PARAMETERS for your happiness may have changed, your SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS and your HAPPINESS can still prevail during the pandemic. Or, expressed differently, “happiness” has NOT become another victim of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Obviously, when you are compelled to voluntary or involuntary isolation at home, borders are closed and normal life is interrupted, it can be difficult NOT to feel overwhelmed by the situation and the counter-measures to the COVID-19 pandemic. The many changes and the uncertainty the crisis have brought are challenging and it is NOT surprising that many people are feeling unhappier than before the crisis.

Some people even claim that the assumption taken in this book, that it is YOU alone who is responsible for and the “maker” of your happiness is MISGUIDED. In these people’s opinion, the COVID-19 pandemic has shown how LITTLE people can draw from themselves and how much they depend on each other. From this they conclude that it is the wrong way to try and help the INDIVIDUAL in achieving happiness.

“If you can’t go outside, go inside”
Buddha

What these people overlook is the fact that instead of lamenting and blaming others, you can actively turn lock-downs, curfews, isolation, self-isolation, and quarantines into an opportunity aiming at more happiness.

The extra time available due the restrictive anti COVID-19 measures shouldn’t upset or threaten you but taken as an invitation to reflect about and REDISCOVER yourself.

Before the pandemic, you probably often blamed the LACK of AVAILABLE TIME for not being able to think about yourself as most of it was consumed by your private and professional life. In fact, under non-pandemic conditions, TIME was a RARE COMMODITY. Now, the pandemic has created an opportunity that you have been waiting for: You have plenty of FREE, UNPLANNED TIME. Without the restrictions due to the pandemic, you may never even have thought of spending time at home WITHOUT shopping, meeting people, going to restaurants and events, or partying.

Some people may find it difficult to fill this suddenly available time, but if you are seriously DETERMINED to pursue your happiness, NOW IT IS THE TIME to do it. As it is predicted that the crisis will continue and that there will probably NO return to pre-COVID-19 normality, but rather a NEW NORMALITY also characterized by restrictions, there will be plenty of opportunities to sit back and think about “who you are today”, “what you really want” and “what you have to do to feel happier”.

If you are honest with yourself and, as previously suggested, you take a “cool”, dispassionate approach, then you will be able to see what social forces, constraints, obligations and distractions stand in the way of your happiness and you will want to remove them. This ties in with the idea discussed elsewhere in this book of creating FREEDOM OF MIND by identifying and removing those OBSTACLES within yourself that stand in the way of your path to happiness. Having this in mind, it would be wise for you to use the TIME provided by the crisis and the NEW NORMALITY, which is expected for the foreseeable future. Without this, you would otherwise have had difficulty finding such time in your hectic life.

EXAMPLE: For three years, Alisa lived alone with her 13-year-old son Johan. Her husband separated from her three years ago when he learned that she had had an affair with his best friend. Since then, Alisa has been tormented by her guilty conscience as she blamed herself for the separation and for her son growing up without a father. She compensated her feelings of guilt with an overly protective upbringing of her son. Every day, she took Johan to school, picked him up, drove him to piano practice, then to math tutoring and twice a week to basketball practice. When he went to friends, she took him there and picked him up again. "I feel like a slave", Alisa had thought when she was waiting in the car because Johan was late. For a short time, Alisa had a love affair with a man who soon left when he realized that Alisa was not free, but only lived for her son and constantly blamed herself for something. Alisa’s self-imposed routine was abruptly interrupted, when a curfew was imposed in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Suddenly, Alisa had time to reflect on herself and her situation. After much thinking, Alisa came to the conclusion that she had to do something to become happy again. She identified her sense of guilt and the compensatory activities she had engaged in as the source of her unhappiness and decided to change for a new start. As a result, she felt more relaxed about her affair which had caused all the trouble, gave Johan more freedom to do what he wanted, and soon after fell in love with someone she had met by accident.

When we talk about special times caused by the pandemic, we should also mention its DEATH toll. Normally, people don’t like to talk about death and push this issue aside. But due to the daily publication of the deplorable numbers of daily fatalities, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought DEATH to the forefront of our mind. Almost every day, we are unusually drastically reminded of the FINITE NATURE of our LIVES and that no one is save from the virus. This new awareness should be used by you as a motivation to use all possibilities to make your life as happy as possible. Therefore, you should NOT get upset about the virus, but PAUSE, THINK and be prompted to use the time of isolation to further pursue your path to happiness.

The fact that you are forced to spend more time at home and to see less people, doesn’t affect your ability to THINK. But it POSITIVELY AFFECTS the AMOUNT of TIME available to you to think. In addition, and unlike in the pre-pandemic situation, your mind will neither be occupied by daily routines nor clouded by all kinds of distracting thoughts. Instead, your mind will be free for thinking about your happiness and the barriers which need to be removed to make progress.

When thinking about yourself and your happiness, it would be helpful for you and those who are close with you, if you could STAY POSITIVE. As mentioned above, the daily consumption of various reports about the pandemic in the media and the many references to illness and DEATH can be depressing.

A way of DISCONNECTING yourself from the bombardment with NEGATIVE NEWS can be your decision to REDUCE your news consumption and rather focus on short overviews of the situation instead of watching pictures from hospitals and long statements by experts and politicians.

EXAMPLE: Ian is singing “Happy Birthday” twice while washing his hands and is super informed about COVID-19 as all day, he is glued to the TV screen to watch all news and reports about the pandemic. When he talks with his family and his friends, his only subject seems to be his fear of the second, and, possibly, the third wave of COVID-19 which the experts are expecting. His family calls him the “prophet of doom and gloom” and suffers from his pessimism.

TIP: Read, watch and spend time on topics that will lift your spirits.

The COVID-19 virus outbreak has dramatically changed people’s lives, including their relationships. For instance, because of the imposed restrictions, many people are thrown into much closer contact than usual with those who share their homes, whether partner, spouse, or family. For some this is “heaven on earth” and the relationship will become more intensive. For others it can feel stressful, even unbearable and the relationship will be (further) strained.

In addition to the many options which can be used to maintain a “healthy” relationship discussed in this book, some ADDITIONAL WAYS to cope with the particular challenges the pandemic has created should be considered. This is particularly important, as the pandemic will probably last for some time.

It is worth trying to be extra patient and understanding, both with each other but also with yourself. This is particularly true in a situation where TIME is NO LONGER the problem but possibly the SURPLUS of time.

In the situation of UNEXPECTED CLOSENESS, it is NOT the very BIG problems that might exist between them which should take the PRIORITY. On the contrary, it is much more important that they agree on all those small, sometimes very trivial points, which, although of minor importance, can give rise to big disputes although they have a completely different cause.

In a lock-down situation, to avoid this from happening, a smart couple should pragmatically agree on some basic rules that make the unfamiliar close living as conflict-free as possible. For instance, by agreeing on the planning of the day, the sharing or alternating use of space, agreements on who is looking after the children, the sharing out of ordinary household tasks, like dirty dish washing, cleaning, garbage disposal, and shopping.

In case, the couple is separated by the crisis, the same principles apply which were discussed for a “long-distance relationship”. Especially if they were surprised by the separation and are not used to living alone, feeling lonely, and afraid about what is happening, the partners have to stay in touch by such means as phones and the social media. Hearing a friendly, familiar voice, or reading a message from the partner you care about is important for the mental balance.

In addition to these more general principles, there are ACTIONS you can take to BOOST your HAPPINESS during a crisis, for instance by,

TRYING TO BE CLOSER TO YOUR PARTNER. When you are locked up with your partner, love becomes an even more important aspect. You can cultivate and nurture your feelings for each other by take the time for intimate togetherness;

CONNECTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Although this is difficult to achieve during the COVID-19 period, it would be good if you could do this as social distancing often means that you cannot be physically with the people you care about. However, technology can be very helpful and by using platforms like Zoom or FaceTime you can talk to friends in real time;

DO NICE THINGS TO OTHERS. When you think about the happiness of others rather than your own, your problems may get into perspective and normally get minimized. For instance, if you help an old neighbour with shopping, it can have a positive effect on your happiness. This is particularly the case, at times when all are struggling;

EXAMPLE: Maria, a soprano singer who lives in Rome although she is under house lockdown, feels joy every evening when she stands on the balcony of her apartment at 7 pm and sings for her neighbours who are also under house lockdown. Her voice touches their hearts as she hears them say "Bravo!”.

TIP:  One of the best and easiest ways to make yourself happy is to make others happy. So, ask yourself, 'How can I make others happier?

SEEK FOR INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION. Because job-related and private-life-related activities consume most of our time, frequently, little or no time is left to seek for INTELLECTUAL stimulation. The COVID-19 restrictions provide opportunities, for instance to finally read the books you bought and have never picked up since;

SENSUAL PLEASURES. These can be extremely essential for your good life and happiness. Sensual pleasures must not just mean sexual activity but everything that is connected with the body such as wellness, good food and drinks, and creative activities;

SETTING NEW GOALS. You can also consider to create new goals for yourself, for instance becoming a more caring spouse, to spend more time with your old mother at the senior care home and checking more often with those close friends for whom you didn’t have enough time prior to the crisis.

EXAMPLE: Patrick, a car dealer, was dismissed by his employer due to a mature decline in sales during the COVID-19 pandemic. He was shocked to be suddenly unemployed, but at the same time felt relief because he didn't like the job he had and felt it was meaningless. But he kept the job because he could make money. After accepting the fact that he was unemployed and spending some time thinking about his life and what he wanted, he realized that he wanted to be his own boss and pursue his passion for cooking. He converted this small apartment into a "plant-based kitchen" and used social media to advertise his "healthy meals" to people who cared about their health during their lockdown. He received a lot of orders and delivered them through the many available online delivery services. His project was a success. He generates a substantial income and receives great feedback from many satisfied customers.

LEARNING. Training for an advanced degree, for instance, may not always be enjoyable, but once you have achieved your goals, you will be happy;

BEING OPEN FOR CHANGE. You can be open to change instead of referring to the pre-COVID-19 situation, you look at the possible characteristics of the anticipated NEW NORMALITY. When you see that conditions affecting your environment change and things develop in a different way than expected or hoped, you should give yourself permission to change your mind and not rally against those changes. An important step in adapting to change is BUILDING NEW ROUTINES. While some may feel like everything is out of control, you are already construction your new normality.

EXAMPLE: Adam lived in extremely rainy country. When leaving home, it was a routine for him to pulling one of the umbrellas from the umbrella stand that was next to his front door. After the outbreak of the pandemic, he hung several face masks on a hook next to his front door and made it his new routine to pull them over his face when he left the house. Unlike some of his colleagues who refused to wear masks, he had adapted to the new normality.

In the example, Adam was happy doing this because he understood that it wasn’t just joy and pleasure that brought happiness but also his sense of purpose. He didn’t want to focus on the negative aspects of the current situation because he knew it wouldn’t make him happier. Instead, he accepted the new realities and wanted to make a positive contribution to the well-being of the community by reducing the risk of infection, not only for himself, but also for others.

Excerpts from the book “HAPPYxCOOL: Happiness in Relationships and at Work” by Rudolf Beger and Sara Wong, Penguin, 2021 avilable on Amazon, Goguru, and Kinokuniya